Is it possible to have such a strong connection with someone that they can reach out to you even when they are nowhere close to you physically? Ever since childhood I have been interested in parapsychology, so my wishful thinking says yes. But I’ve always had my doubts. No science can explain that and I should be a person of reason in this time and age. But then again, do we really understand the human mind and all its capabilities? Even the scientists are still puzzled over consciousness. So who’s to say what’s possible and what’s not.
I should tell you a little about my childhood and later you’ll find out why I think its important. I have always been an introvert and I had to have some alone time everyday. I would go to the rooftop in the evenings and just look at the sky, the shapes of clouds or at the sunset. It always brought peace and made me feel like a part of something bigger, something that transcends this physical dimension. I believed that if I just stay calm and somehow open myself to the universe, it will gradually start revealing itself to me. After my alone time I would go back inside and the first person I always saw then would be my grandfather and his ever welcoming smile that filled me with so much love. He would always be there in the living room watching television in the evening.
As I grew older, I had to leave my hometown for higher studies and then for work. But throughout all these years what remained constant was my grandfather calling me every single morning. But then he grew really old and the day he didn't call I knew he must be really sick. Towards the end of his life he was sick a lot and suffered so bad. Every few months he would have to be hospitalised and even then he would try to talk everyday. It was just on his worst days that I didn't receive a call from him. I was so used to hearing his voice everyday that it felt like my days were incomplete without his call.
I did not really realise the seriousness of his condition when he went to the hospital for the last time. I thought that like every other time he would get better and be back home. It was a Wednesday evening and I was just out in the park with a friend when my sister called to say that this time it seemed pretty serious. Apart from all the internal things that were causing him to suffer, even the oxygen mask that was supposed to bring him some relief cut into his nose which started bleeding. But my father told me that I didn't need to be back yet. However I decided that I will go to the office the next day, wrap up all my work and then go to my hometown on Friday to meet him. I couldn’t not meet him one last time. I prayed so hard that night, asking God not to take him yet because I had to meet him atleast one more time.
The next day I got up at 6 AM as usual but for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to get out of bed and slept again. I generally don’t remember my dreams as vividly as I remember this one. I was visiting him in the hospital. He seemed so uncomfortable, restless and in so much pain. He winced in pain as he opened his mouth to tell me, “I’m in too much pain and I can’t wait any longer”. Sometime around 8 AM I got up and there were two missed calls from my mom. I knew what must have happened. I called her back and she confirmed it.
That was the saddest moment of my entire life and her words kept ringing in my ears for long afterwards. I know everybody has to die but it was unbelievable that this really happened. He was no more. I would never again get a call from him, hear his voice, get a hug from him or see his warm smile. I wouldn’t ever get to be that person again, the person I was when around him. All that was gone. A part of me too died that day.
I like to believe that the dream I had wasn’t just a normal dream. He somehow reached out to me and granted me my wish of meeting him one more time. I will always regret not being there with him physically, but the occurrence of that dream around the same time that he passed away (around 7 AM) makes me believe that in certain cases and situations when the spiritual energy is heightened, it might be possible to reach a loved one in ways that cannot be explained by science yet. I believe that all those days spent on the rooftop trying to make myself receptive to signs from the universe, did really do something for me. As much as I hate myself for not being there with him in his final moments, I’m still so grateful that I saw him and even interacted with him in other ways. I cant thank him enough for thinking about me even when he was in so much pain. I somehow think that that’s what helped bridge the mental connection. I know he had been thinking of me because I received a blank text message from him just one day before he passed away. My mom saw him trying to use his phone even though he was too weak to and was not even supposed to be using it. Maybe he wanted to tell me to come visit because he knew he wouldn’t be around for much longer. I’m so sorry I couldn’t. But thank you so much for the dream, for that one last moment with you.
There are atleast two other dreams that I want to write about because these are really important to me and I don't want to ever forget. Also, it makes me believe that we will meet our loved ones again and that makes me hopeful.
PS: It hurts to think that he was waiting for me but I didn't go there in time. After all he did for us, he did not deserve this. That’s what I hate myself for.
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